Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize