im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
