No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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