I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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