I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
