I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
