Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
