May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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