so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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