Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
