New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
We need a shit load of segways right now
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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