the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
