Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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