You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
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