She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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