Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
