Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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