She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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