i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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