Who did Billy Mays play for?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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