he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize