my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
