Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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