that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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