Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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