what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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