I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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