You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
