Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
