just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
