Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
he had hair everywhere except his balls
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
