she takes plan B like it's going out of style
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
