College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
