she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
