Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Randomize
