Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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