Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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