walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
