im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
