i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
