all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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