My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
