if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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