I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
