I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
