I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
What drink are we having for lunch?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize