don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Randomize
