You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
