I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
