Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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