we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I'm too high and old for this...
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
