I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
