The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
