Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
