i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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