UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
