"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
