Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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