I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
