I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
