You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize