omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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