so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Let the clothes fall where they may.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize