hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
