She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I don't deserve a penis
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
