i need an iv and a liver transplant
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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