Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize
