Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
