So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
