I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
