I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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