just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I am available for nakedness
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
