It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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