there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
