omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
