I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
