God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
