I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
