Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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