I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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