It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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