Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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