It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
My vagina just clenched in fear
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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