Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I deserve this hangover.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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